Sips N Strokes

Good Thursday morning!

Okay, I'll admit it. It is all I can do to keep from commenting on LOST today. I know by tomorrow when I list all the shows and try to comment on them, what little bit I grasped of LOST will be gone. I'm feeling a little dumb today. That's how I feel when I see a movie other than a Disney/Pixar flick... or something similar. I mean, Paul Blart, Mall Cop may not be Oscar material, but when I left the theater I was not confused, glazed over or depressed over my total lack of understanding of the plot, subplot, subtle nuances, etc. I totally understood it. All of it. I have got to get out more.

Also, I just want to encourage you wherever you are if there is a Beth Moore Bible Study on Esther available for you to attend, do not walk... run. It is that good. I will also admit some Beth Moore Bible Studies have been over my head... way over my head. There... I said it. But the Book of Esther has been excellent. Beth (we're on a first-name basis now) has made the Book come to life, and has made Esther "every woman." I can so relate to the emotions Beth has described Esther feeling. It's not just a story or a fairytale... it really happened. Very, very good.

Today is my 87th post. I started October 19, 2008. I've enjoyed every minute, but since we're fast approaching the 100th post, I wanted to do something special. I'm thinking of a contest... nothing ultra-expensive, but a prize nonetheless. I'll be giving more details next week as I nail everything down, so check in when you can.

Josh's Story - Part Four

QUESTION: You may be asking what we were doing with Austin and Roxie during these two years. We were dating them like crazy. Breakfasts, dinners, Saturday afternoons, Sunday afternoons... anytime we could squeeze in a one-on-one date, we did. We knew we had to work harder to maintain the relationships with the other two children than ever before. While Austin would have let it go and not said a word, his unselfishness made us work all the harder. As for Roxie, she demanded the attention. She didn't take away from Josh, but she knew what she needed from us even more than we did, and she would plan her own dates and outings with us.

FUNNY NOTE: One night Josh did something extremely irritating to Roxie. Instead of "letting it go," as we had all been doing over the months, she had enough. "Josh, this has nothing to do with your OCD. You are just being a BUTT!" Normally, I would have jumped all over that, but it was music to my ears. It was the most normal thing we had heard in our house in almost 18 months. It caught Josh off guard, and he apologized and straightened up. Roxie speaking up helped remove some of the eggshells we had been walking on in our house.

When I first started this series, I had no idea how difficult it was going to be. Just figuring out which details to leave in and which 1,000 to leave out has been mind boggling (and as discussed above, I'm a little limited in the mind department sometimes). In saying that, today I'll be talking about three friends and how they stuck by and helped Josh, as well as a timeline of his 7th grade year.

Josh's behavior was very erratic, and he was unable to leave the house for several months. We were very worried about so many things, one of them being his social life. I know you're thinking that is not the most important thing, but it is one of many, many aspects of this illness we had to consider.

I decided to call two women, explain to them as best I could what was going on and ask if their two sons would be able to visit Josh on a regular basis. I have to give them enormous credit, because although I was very honest with them, you had to see it to believe it. I gave them an out saying if at any time their boys were upset or did not want to come over any more, I would totally understand... and I would have. They explained the situation to their 12 year-old sons, and they were willing to help.

It was always good to have three because if Josh had to retreat to the bathroom to wash for an hour, the other two boys could play X-Box or pool or jump on the trampoline together until he could join them again. We started out slowly, just one or two hours at a time. The boys saw Josh praying, shouting "Amen" five, six or more times, jerking, washing. It didn't seem to phase them at all.

As we started trying to take him outside of the house to do things, they were understanding of the fact we might have to leave early or even turn around and come home as soon as we arrived. They understood Josh wasn't being "selfish" because he couldn't play just anything they wanted to play. They played what he was able to play on that particular day... I'm sure whether they wanted to or not.

One day, Josh came down and his hands were bleeding. I was putting Neosporin on them when one of the boys came up and asked me, "Miss Belinda. Have you ever seen the movie The Aviator?" I had not, but I knew it was about Howard Hughes who suffered from OCD, as well as other mental illnesses.

"No. But I know it was about Howard Hughes. Do you understand? Josh has some of the things shown in that movie."

The young man looked at me and looked away, and I thought I understood what he was thinking. Howard Hughes lived a miserable existence and died a horrible death because of his mental illness. "There are some similarities, but Josh isn't going to end up like Howard Hughes," I told him. He looked at me again. "He WILL NOT end up like Howard Hughes."

"Okay, Miss Belinda," and they went off to play whatever Josh wanted to play.

Those two guys hung with Josh for three years, and even though time and interests and maturity levels have changed, they still speak and are very kind to him.

Also, during the three years, another friend emerged, and after speaking to his mom, he was happy to socialize with Josh, also. His mother was comfortable enough to let Josh come to her house to visit, which was not an easy thing to do. There were so many things to "watch" for, but she and her family were warm and welcoming and took very good care of the situation.

At the end of 8th grade with high school sports starting and friends going in different directions, I prayed for another friend or two to be faithful and supportive, and God answered that prayer with another fine young man. His mom is also kind, warm and understanding.

Austin and his friends have definitely taken up the slack in the friend department, and many of them accept Josh and are kind to him just because of his relationship with Austin. That's okay. We'll take anything we can get. We're also blessed to have my sister's children, Brad, Katie and Zac, who are most definitely more than cousins, and have offered him friendship and unconditional support over and over and over again.

I'll tell a funny little story here. The Christmas of his 7th grade year (one year after diagnosis), I had written notes to the two boys who had been so wonderful to Josh the past year. It was a little mushy, so I ended the note saying, "I know some of the things I've said will make it a little embarrassing the next time you see me, but come up to me and talk... or I'll have to find you." I enclosed a gift card to McDonald's for milkshakes. The mother of one of the young men said he came to her and her husband and read the card and kept it on his dresser. I didn't know how the other friend had taken the letter... until the Christmas Eve service.

This was a highly emotional time for me, because as I said in earlier posts, this was the first time Josh had been to church in exactly one year... and this service had always been his favorite service of the year. He had always said that from the time he was a little guy. I was tearful and grateful and excited and hopeful.

And then I noticed his friend making a beeline toward us. He stopped right in front of me and leaned down (almost in my "space"), and I readied myself for something very emotional and touching. "Is that McDonald's gift card for $5 or $10? My mom said since it was for a milkshake, it was just for $5, but I told her I bet it was for $10. Who's right?"

You've got to love boys! I wished I had bought a $10 certificate, but unfortunately it was for $5. When I told him, he grinned and said, "Well, thank you very much." As he was walking away, I asked him if he would be interested in going to Krispy Kreme sometime during the Christmas holidays, and I think we all know what the answer to that was!

The following is the time-line for Josh's 7th grade year.

1. Josh began school in Honors classes, but was unable to go into the building without me. The first three or four weeks of school, I sat outside his first period class. The remainder of the day, I sat in the office.

2. Josh was more comfortable in first period as long as I remained in the office down the hall. For four or five weeks, I sat in the school office from 8:00 until 3:00.

3. Josh was unable to stay in band. The noise made from all the different music played at the same time was torture. He came out of band. I sat in the office for three hours, we would go home for 45 minutes and then return for the rest of the day.

4. Josh was able to go to school and on days when there was not a chance of bad weather or a cloud in the sky, I could sit in the van. I stayed in the van for three hours, checked Josh out for 45 minutes and returned for the rest of the day. This lasted for over five weeks.

5. Somehow Josh continued to make straight As. (I continue to mention his grades because many people associate mental illness with poor grades, and that is not always the case.)

6. After the Thanksgiving holidays, Josh started to "break down," and he was unable to get out of the car. After two weeks of trying, we resumed the Homebound Program and the liaison brought our work to us at home where we completed assignments and tests and returned them to her.

7. Our 7th grade year finished just as our 6th grade year finished...at home, incredibly lonely and isolated, but still praying and hoping that this would not be our life.

8. Mike and I had started sitting on the front porch during rainstorms with Josh sandwiched in between us to desensitize him to weather.

9. One of us, Mike or me, had to stay with him at all times. When Mike came home from work, I would go to Wal-Mart for 30 or 45 minutes every night. It was the only time I got out during the day.

10. After a year of getting dressed on Sunday mornings and walking into the doors of the church... then turning around and leaving immediately, Josh was finally able to occasionally attend church, but not music services. He had to leave before the invitation was given. Mike and I worked in the Middle School Department. He would go to Sunday School for the most part unless the subject matter was disturbing. If he needed to leave, he sat with us while we prepared the attendance rolls.

11. If the weather was bad or going to be bad, we stayed home.

12. There were three more times when we had to decide about hospitalization during this year, but each time, God and our doctor helped us avoid what we considered too drastic a measure.

Tomorrow, we'll do the 8th grade time-line as well as the Top Ten Things You NEVER Say to a Parent With a Mentally-Ill Child... David Letterman style.

I'm not even going to try to transition smoothly today. It cannot be done. Here is our date!

Sips N Strokes

Okay. I haven't actually gone on this date... yet. But I have heard from a few women that it is a lot of fun, so I'm planning a date with Roxie as we speak. This is an art studio type date. You learn how to paint an actual canvas painting while you visit with other women (and you get to take it home). You take your favorite beverage with you when you go. You have to make reservations, and they have rules on their website about cancelling you will need to read carefully before you set the date.

You can take a child as young as 12 to the night classes, but they have classes on Saturdays from 10:00 to 12:00 for kids. That is the class I'm planning on taking Roxie our first time. The cost is $25 for the child, but the parent can just sit with them and watch for nothing. (We'll be saving up $5 a week, and then making our reservations!) They will complete one of four pictures before they leave, but they will learn about the strokes and the painting techniques as well.

There are locations around our area in Trussville, Vestavia and U.S. 280. You can go to their website for more information, and also see a large picture gallery to give you an idea of what they have to offer. (Click on Gallery at the top of their website. http://www.sipsnstrokes.com/.) If you click on Calendar, it will show you a picture of what they will be painting in their night classes. There are no pictures shown for the Kids Classes on Saturdays. It looks like a lot of fun, and I cannot wait until we go (probably in March).

Tomorrow, I'll finish up as much of Josh's story as I can at this point in our lives. I hope you haven't been too "put off" by my need to share, but for whatever reason, I felt very strongly it was time.

I'll also have our Friday Book, the summary of all things "reality TV" (as I see them), and our Weekend Happenings. I bet you won't even be able to sleep tonight, will you?

Have a good Thursday, and I'll talk to you tomorrow.