Weekend Happenings

Good Friday morning!

Well, I don't know about you, but I'm glad this week is coming to a close. I'm ready for a weekend. And what a weekend it will be!

My nephew, Zac, turned 11 yesterday, so his Laser Tag party is Saturday afternoon. My oldest, Austin, will be 18 on Monday, so his birthday get-together will be Sunday afternoon. (Just so you know... the Party for Monday is the same one I'm giving Austin. It's great for boys or girls.) It will definitely be birthday/family time this weekend.

Roxie had the first game of her basketball tournament last night. They won 25-7 so they will play again next Tuesday night. It is single elimination, so there are two more games.

Now, for the really important "stuff." My summary of the reality TV shows (and 24 and LOST) for the week:

Amazing Race - Loved it! I immediately thought the flight attendants were going to be able to win the race hands-down because they have the travel thing down to a science. Not so! Also, if Mike Faulkner and I had walked up to the dam and one of us had to jump off the second-highest bungee jump in the world, I think we would have turned around and found a Holiday Inn, stayed a few nights and headed home. (I'm not saying Mikie wouldn't have tried it. I'm saying I would have "pulled a Kate" and refused to let him try. And you know there is no way I am ever going to be put into a harness. Come to think of it, if I had tried, I might have actually fainted for the first time. Nope, I'm 100% positive I would have been aware of the entire jump the entire time!) It's too early to pick yet, but I think it's going to be a good race.

24 - Anyone can guess from reading my blog that 24 is my favorite. Once again, it delivered. I love the previews for next week when Jack's new FBI agent/"perhaps love interest" slaps him across his face not once, not twice, but three times. You can tell he really likes her because he didn't shoot her! I think it's love, and I cannot wait until next Monday.

Jon & Kate - Roxie and I didn't get to watch this together because she went on the date with her Dad. However, I'm pretty sure I can go out on a limb here and say the kids fought a little, cried a little, were cute a LOT and Kate fussed at Jon non-stop. Jon is a saint.

LOST - I still don't understand what, when, where or why, but I did figure out all the pieces of the plane puzzle. Sun had Jin's ring. Sayid (I looked up the correct spelling) had the sheriff that Kate had on the first plane. Ben had Sawyer's book. Hurley had Charlie's guitar. Jack had John Locke's letter. John Locke had Jack's father's shoes. But why? Why, I ask? (And I've got to say I did not appreciate watching an entire episode of LOST without Sawyer. Very upsetting! Especially since he is the only character I totally understand. He better be on next week's episode or I'm going to have to write a letter!)

Survivor - Austin had to work Thursday night so we will be watching Survivor Friday night. I'll have to comment on this one Monday morning. However, I'm still pulling for the Alabama boy. I think he's got a shot. (Don't tell me if he got voted off last night. I'll find out soon enough.)

Today I have the final installment of Josh's Journey. As I've already said, pages and pages and story after story have been left out. It's just too much. It was too much when it began, and it is too much now. But in a huge nutshell, here is the story up until now.

Josh's Story - Part Five

The remainder of my posting on Josh will be a timeline for his 8th grade year until present.

1. Josh wanted to play football (his obsession) in 8th grade. I sat in the van for every practice in 100+ heat while he practiced. He missed a few practices due to weather.

2. Josh started 8th grade and arrived at school at 7:45 and stayed until football practice was over at 5:00 or 6:00. We know now this was too much, and he was already beginning to "break down."

3. Josh attended all the games but the last two. A friend's broken bone during a practice, a thunderstorm that came up too quickly for Mike to get to him on the field (he had to ride the bus home in the storm without Mike), another teammate's seizure during the same game, the stress of school and the long hours of practice became too much to bear.

4. Instead of going into the Home Bound Program again, I homeschooled Josh the second part of his 8th grade year. He continued to make all As. Homeschooling had a very heavy workload, but he completed it well and when 9th grade rolled around, he was more than prepared.

5. Josh attended Sunday School, the music service and worship, but still continued to leave during the invitation.

6. Josh was able to stay home alone while I picked Roxie up from school or took her to other activities.

7. Austin began taking Josh with him wherever he went.

8. Austin and Josh started a lucrative lawn care business (6 lawns total), and worked well together.

9. Josh earned the money to buy a guitar and wanted to take lessons. We made him wait over three months to make sure it wasn't just an obsession. He is still taking lessons at this time, and he is extremely talented.

10. In the past 13 months, there has been only one time we thought he might have to be hospitalized, but again, God intervened and we were able to handle the problem at home.

11. Travel is still difficult for him. By the second night away, he gets increasingly anxious and agitated, so any travel we do is close to home.

12. Josh still struggles daily with scrupulosity. He washes certain times each day, but not to excess, and he has other rituals he performs before and after school.

13. Josh attends 9th grade, takes Honors Classes and makes As. We learned the hard way to start slowly and build up. Josh takes all of his academics, and I pick him up at 1:15. This is the only year he has the option to take six classes and still obtain an Advanced Academic diploma.

14. Josh was knocked unconscious in school by a boy he didn't even know, and spent the day in the emergency room with a concussion. We thought he would not be able to go back. He went to school the next day.

15. He missed two days because of hurricanes and bad weather the first half of the school year. We thought he would not be able to go back. He went to school after the severe weather passed.

16. We are now entering tornado season in Alabama. If the weather looks bad, he stays home. If the weather is going to get bad, I check him out. So far, he has always gone back to school the next day.

To have an illness based on fear and irrational thoughts and behaviors, Joshua Faulkner is the bravest person I have ever met. What it takes for him to go through a day, and accomplish what he does, is truly an amazing thing to watch. I'm not just saying that because I'm his mother. He is an exceptional person. (Keep in mind... he is still a 15 year-old boy with all that entails. "Exceptional" does not mean "perfect.")

I promised a Top Ten List to help those of you who might not know what to say to a family going through a similar struggle. These are things that were actually said to me or Mike not once, but on numerous occasions.

Ten Things You NEVER Say to a Parent of a Mentally-Ill Child

10. I hate you decided to put him on medication.
9. All teenage boys are obsessed with something.
8. Why do you think Satan is attacking your family?
7. How many grades has Josh been held back?
6. Maybe you just need to tell him to stop.
5. Do you think you are being punished for something you did?
4. Did you check with the doctor before you tried that?
3. What are Roxie and Austin up to now? (Never mentioning the sick child.)
2. He looks just fine to me.

AND THE NUMBER ONE THING YOU NEVER SAY TO A PARENT OF A MENTALLY-ILL CHILD...

1. NOTHING!

Always, always, always say something... even if it is nothing more than a hug, or a prayer, or a "How are you?" The most important thing you can ever do for a family with a sick child is to speak to them.

Also, think of creative ways you might be able to help. I couldn't go out to breakfast or lunch or dinner. I couldn't get manicures. But I could have talked on the phone. And in my particular situation, the days and weeks I sat in the van for hours on end, I would have loved to have had someone crawl in the passenger seat with me and spend a little time. Not every day, but just every now and then. It would have meant everything to me.

I am not ashamed Josh has a mental illness. I would really like to shout I AM NOT ASHAMED JOSH HAS OCD from the mountaintop. I am not ashamed my grandmother recently had knee-replacement surgery... I am not ashamed Roxie has croup once or twice a year... I am not ashamed I have Type 2 Diabetes and arthritis... I am not ashamed Mike has a bad knee that bothers him on occasion... I am not even ashamed I wear a size 14. It is what it is. It must be talked about to be accepted and not feared.

On the few occasions when someone asked me about Josh, I would always say, "We are going to talk about it. We've made a decision to be open about his illness." That has not changed in the least.

We are the Faulkner Five, and we are not embarrassed or ashamed. We are what we are, and we're stronger for it. Josh's Journey is really just beginning in many ways... and we are all willingly going along for the ride.

I guess I would end this by saying, I don't know what tomorrow will bring for Josh and the rest of us. I cannot begin to fathom what his future will be. Every day is different. He'll have really good days and he'll have horribly bad days.

But when it gets right down to it, I never knew what tomorrow was going to bring anyway... for any of us. All we have is this very moment. And we have a decision to make. Are we going to reach out to others? Are we going to spend time with our families? Are we going to make THIS moment count? I know my eyes have been opened a little bit these past three years, and I hope my choices reflect that each and every day God gives me.

"Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." Galatians 6:2.

Book

I know most women have probably read Anne of Green Gables sometime in their lifetime. It is perhaps my favorite book ever written. (I also love the movies. They are very well done.) I remember sitting on Ida Mashburn's front porch on a summer day when I was Roxie's age or a little older. Miss Mashburn was a member of my church and had taught me in Sunday School and Bible School when I was a little girl. We sat on her front porch swing and talked about many things, but she knew I loved to read and that is why she had invited me over that particular day.

She went inside her home and brought out six books. I had not heard of five of them, but they turned out to be wonderful books I read and re-read as a teenager. And then she handed me a copy of Anne of Green Gables. It had a beautiful sage-green cover, and when she handed it to me I thought it was already very old. She told me to read it first. She thought I might enjoy it. We finished our lemonade and cookies, and my mom came and picked me up. I made a beeline to my bedroom where I propped up the pillows in my bed and began to read. It was wonderful. Anne was so dramatic. I loved when she would say she was "in the depths of despair." Watching Roxie grow up, there is no better way to describe what a 12 or 13 year-old girl feels.

It is one of the best books ever written, and should be passed down and shared with your daughters and granddaughters IMMEDIATELY! If you can spend the time each night to read it aloud and enjoy it together, do so... even if it means missing Jon & Kate. I can update you every week until you finish the book. (They get puppies next week. Kate yells at Jon because the puppies wee-wee on the new carpet. See how easy that was?)

There is nothing more wonderful than curling up with a good book and sharing it with someone you love. Definitely one of life's little pleasures.

Remember next week we'll have Austin's 18th birthday party (good for boys and girls); a recipe from Sandra Lee's new magazine... go buy a copy now, please; the last February seasonal tradition we'll share this year; a fun, fun, fun date; and yet another favorite book. Also, I'll be giving more details about the contest coming up in 12 more posts.

Have a wonderful Friday, and an even more wonderful weekend. Spend every second you can with your family and loved ones, and have a ball!