Family Change Date

Good Wednesday morning!

I know Valentine's Day is over, but if you'll click on Sweet Celebrations under my Blog List, you will see some very cute and doable Valentine's Day cupcakes and Valentine's to make with your child. I love the presentation of the cupcakes. Simple, but so pretty. Run the page off to use for next year, and stick it in a Valentine's Day file if you don't think you'll be able to remember. She has the most beautiful and fun cakes. I love to check her site to see what she has created.

Also, if you watch the Food Channel, you are probably aware of the show Sandra Lee and Semi-Homecooking. She has a brand new magazine that came out this month with the same name. I bought an issue and there were 12 (count them... 12) recipes I turned down. Her show is great. I love her ideas, and her magazine is excellent. I highly recommend picking up a copy. It has wonderful recipes, decorating ideas, etc. I'm going to try one of her recipes this weekend, and I'll post it next Tuesday (giving her all the credit, of course) in honor of her new magazine.

Josh's Story - Part Three

We left off yesterday with a God-given plan. Mike and I sat down in the wee hours of the morning and talked about what had to be done that day to protect Joshua. First, we had to get our files from the psychiatrist. Another psychiatrist would not be able to help us if we were under the treatment of another doctor. Secondly, until we could find the doctor we were supposed to be with, we had to go to our pediatrician for the help we needed for the next one or two days as we searched. Thirdly, once we got our appointment with our pediatrician, we would call Donnie who worked with the Children's Ministry at our church and have as many people on staff praying for the right outcome of our meeting with the doctor. The most important goal for our day was to keep Josh out of the Psychiatric Ward. It was the ONE thing we were sure of in a sea of uncertainties.

Mike took care of getting our files from the psychiatrist. He drove to the office himself, and was handed the file through a receptionist's window. No explanation as to why the doctor had not returned our emergency calls... no contact with him whatsoever.

As soon as the doctor's office opened, I had an appointment. It opened at 8:00 and we were to be there at 9:30. Josh was already in the bathroom washing, praying and crying, so I told him he had 90 minutes and to take his time. Rushing him would only slow him down.

At 8:01, I called the church office and spoke with Donnie's answering machine. I asked him and anyone else there to specifically pray that Josh would not be admitted into the hospital.

We arrived at the doctor's office on time, told him everything that had been going on, and that we were looking for another psychiatrist. (We did not ask him for another name.) He told us Josh really needed to be in the Psychiatric Ward of Children's Hospital. We told him respectfully we knew he did not. When he asked what we wanted from him, we asked for mild sedatives for Josh for one or two days until we found the answer we were searching for. He complied, and Mike and I drove off at 9:45 having accomplished our task for the day.

During this entire time of little or no sleep, confusion and despair, a name kept coming to my mind. I had not told many people what was going on, because to be honest, we didn't know ourselves. But Jenny's name was in my mind constantly. I didn't really understand why. Jenny and I had been church friends for years and her son was Josh's age. They had gone to each other's birthday parties growing up, and Jenny and I had done some things socially, but not on a regular basis. However, her name above all the other people I knew stayed in my mind.

I didn't talk to her because it was so close to Christmas, and I didn't want to burden her with such a heavy problem, but the thought persisted... and I continually pushed it away.

The day after we had seen our doctor, Josh was mildly sedated and Mom and I tried to take him to a restaurant. It was miserable. He couldn't stop jerking, praying and crying, so we were getting our food to take home. Jenny walked up to our table and spoke to us. She looked at Josh questioningly, and then back at me. She squeezed my arm and we said our good-byes.

When we got home, the thought to call Jenny was prevalent. I dialed her number. While Mom watched Josh, I sat in the floor of my bathroom and told her everything that was going on. She listened carefully, and instead of just saying, "I'm so sorry," she said the most unbelievable thing to me. "Belinda, you need to call Laura. She works at Children's in the Psychiatric Ward and she'll know every child psychiatrist in Birmingham."

I thanked her and hung up the phone. I casually knew Laura. She was a wonderful, warm person with a beautiful little girl I spoke to on Sunday mornings. I immediately called her. I once again poured out everything that had happened. She listened without any interruptions. When I was finished, I'll never forget what she told me. "Belinda, I know exactly who you should go to. He's a wonderful doctor, and he will be able to help Joshua. I used to work with him several years ago at Children's. I'm going to call him right now, and I'll call you back. I love you. This is going to be okay."

She hung up and I continued to sit in the floor limp, unable to move or think. Within five minutes, the phone rang and it was Laura. She gave me the doctor's name and number and said he would like to talk to me. I asked her how long she had been working at Children's, and she said she had not been there for years and years. The doctor I was about to call had just recently started a private practice. "He's going to be able to help Joshua," she again reassured me.

I called the doctor's office and spoke with his wife, who was a pharmacist and his office manager. She was very kind. After a few minutes of talking to me, she spoke with her husband and he got on the phone with me. He asked me several questions, and then told me he was going to send me a questionnaire to fill out, and his wife was going to set up our appointment. That same week.

I called Jenny back and told her what had happened. And then I asked her, "Laura hasn't worked at Children's Hospital for a number of years. What made you think of her?"

"I don't know. It was just stuck in my head she had worked there. I didn't know she was working somewhere else."

"Are you and Laura best friends?"

"No. We're friends, but we don't talk all the time. I don't know why that was stuck in my head."

I hung up the phone. I knew exactly why it was "stuck in her head." I knew now why Jenny's name had been "stuck in my head" since Josh had gotten sick. I've said it the past two days, and I'll say it again... God WASN'T surprised and caught off guard by any of this. We didn't know it then, but Josh's Journey had begun, and we were just along for the ride. We could do things our way... or we could turn to God and do things His way. But you know me... there were many more control struggles ahead of me between Josh's Heavenly Father and Josh's earthly mother.

Sometimes, I think there aren't enough pigeons on this planet for God to throw at me to get me to listen... but I am learning. Slowly, but surely... I am learning.

To finish up today's Part Three of the story, I'm just going to give you a numbered time line of some of the other things that were going on before we met with our new psychiatrist.

1. Josh could not attend church. The music, the praying, the jerking was more than he could bear. The last service we attended together as a family was Christmas morning. Josh was unable to go to church for an entire year. The next time he was able to sit down in a service was the Christmas Eve Service, December 2006. After that, church attendance was still very sporadic, but we were hopeful.

2. I was unable to attend church for five months. Mike was serving on the Pastor Search Committee before all of this happened, so when he was in town, he needed to be in church. At least two or three Faulkners attended every service during that year. We knew it would be important to teach faithfulness to Austin and Roxie, plus it gave them a much needed break away from the house.

3. Josh was unable to go to school. He entered the Homebound Program where a liaison brought his assignments and tests to the house, and he worked on his school work at home. We didn't cut back any of his school work. He completed a full course load and made straight As the rest of his 6th grade year.

4. We took our annual family trip to the mountains in late April with my sister and her family and my mom, but Josh didn't travel well, and being away from home was torture for him. It was a very difficult trip.

5. We were not able to go to movies.

6. We were not able to eat out.

7. Summer was difficult to say the least, but we tried to take things one day at a time. His band director gave him private tuba lessons so he could move up to intermediate band in 7th grade to be with friends.

8. We continued to practice every tradition we had ever had in our home. The Christmas Josh was so sick, we still went to family gatherings, baked cookies with Roxie's friends, and did anything and everything we had always done. However, we did whatever we needed to do to compensate for Josh's illness (leaving early, sitting with him in the bathroom for hours at a gathering, etc.).

9. Slowly, slowly, slowly, our new doctor was trying different medications with Josh. Sometimes we would have to wait four to six weeks to see the effects, if any, of a new medication. It became apparent to all of us that working with Josh with Cognitive Behavior Therapy was going to be the key.

10. We hoped he would be able to start 7th grade, but we braced ourselves for the worse.

That's it for today. Tomorrow, I'll talk about his 7th grade year in a time line. But, I'll also begin talking about the isolation that comes with mental illness... both for the person with the illness and the family. I'll also be sharing a little about three special young men who went the extra MILES with Josh, and how they could not only be examples to all middle school young men, but to adults as well... me included.

Again, there is no perfect segue into the Seasonal Tradition. What do I say? We are in the depths of despair, but try this fun tradition with your family. (I have got to work on those segues!)

Family Change Date

This is a tradition we started just this year... this month, in fact. Once a year, have everyone in your family go through the house and collect any and all the change they can find. Mike, Austin and I all had a fistful or more of change in our cars. Mike had a drawer he throws his extra change in every evening. I have a jar in the laundry room where I keep any and all change that falls out of pockets. Roxie and Josh had change dishes in their rooms. Roxie and I checked all of our old purses for loose change in the bottom. Then we all checked our billfolds and wallets and gathered all the change from those important places.

We put all the change in zip-lock bags, and Mike took them to a local grocery store which has a machine that counts the change as you pour it in a hole. (Some banks have these, also.) For a minimal fee, you take the receipt to the cashier and they give you the amount minus the fee. We had a total of $98.50.

When Mike came home with the total, we then decided what we would do as a family with the money. We decided to go to Logan's before 6:00 and cash in on their "Two Dinners for $12.99" deal. Since we are the Faulkner Five, we needed an even number, so we invited Melia. After dinner, we went to the RAVE and watched Paul Blart, Mall Cop. (I highly recommend this one if you have kids who will go with you. It might be a little embarrassing to go just as a middle-age couple!) Because we had JUST eaten before the movie, we told the kids they could have snacks, but they had to pay for those out of their money. Guess what? Everyone was full.

Anyway, the total bill for the evening came to $99. We had to give them $.50 out of our pockets. (Since we didn't have any change left, Mikie had to break a $1.)

We're going to do it again next February. We'll put our change in the same places we always do, and in a year, we'll scurry around and gather every penny, nickel, dime and quarter in the house. Once we have the amount, we'll make quick plans for our family date. It could be bowling, laser tag, go-carting if the weather is mild enough, another movie, another restaurant... who knows.

It was fun, spur of the moment (well, not for me... I knew exactly what we were going to do), and... did I say fun??? Have you got a free night coming up? Get the family together and gather that change! Use your imagination and have a Family Change Date everyone will remember!

I hope you have an amazing Wednesday. Josh and I will be watching LOST tonight. If you understand this show, I don't even want to know... but if you're as LOST as I am, drop me a line. I know that will make me feel better!

I'll be back tomorrow with another great date. Talk to you then!